He's Never Gonna Forget It!
Contributed by Russ Vaughn
Shortly after losing the presidential election in 2008, Barack Obama, strained by the demands of his long campaign, has a heart attack and wakes up in that section of Hell reserved for politicians and celebrity types.
The Devil looks at him and says, “Hmmm, I don't know what to do here; you’re definitely on my list but you’re way too early and I don’t have a room for you yet. But you have to stay, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as dishonest or dishonorable as you. I'm gonna let one of them go, but you have to take their place. Tell you what, you can even decide who leaves.”
Barack thinks that sounds pretty good, so the Devil opens the door to the first room, The Chappaquiddick Suite.
In it is a waterlogged, skin-shriveled, Ted Kennedy in a large pool of water. Ted keeps diving in, then surfacing empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dives into the pool and surfaces with nothing. Such is his fate in Hell.
“No,” Barack says, “I don't think so. You know the brothers aren't good swimmers and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil then leads him to the door of the next room, The Global Warming Suite, where they find a naked, shivering, goose-bumped Al Gore sitting on a large block of ice in a freezing room with a blizzard of snow blowing from the ceiling.
Barack immediately says, “No way, man, you see how skinny I am? I can’t handle that kind of cold.”
The Devil then opens a third door with a sign on it, The Oval Office. Barack says, “Yeah, man, now you’re talking!” Inside he sees Bill Clinton sitting behind a huge desk, his head lolling back, eyes closed and a happy smile on his face. Stepping further into the room, Obama is able to see Monica Lewinsky on her knees performing her usual on Bill.
The Devil looks at Obama, lifts an eyebrow and says, “Well?”
Obama grins, does a fist tap with the Devil and says, “Oh yeah, man, I can dig this!”
The Devil nods agreement, takes a tube of lipstick from his pocket and hands it to Barack as he barks, “OK, Lewinsky, you’re outta here!”
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